First, a thank you to Jen for letting me write this blog entry. I don’t think that I would write enough to have my own blog, but from time to time there are things that I’d like to share too.
I’m used to the looks now. Sometimes it’s a look of annoyance, sometimes a look of confusion, sometimes a look of sympathy, sometimes it’s a look of pity. I’m used to all the looks I receive when I’m with Michael somewhere or when someone is at our house visiting. In general I think that people mean well and most people are very warm and loving toward Michael. Still, I can’t help but feel like they’re thinking “Wow, I can’t imagine dealing with him every day.”
When Michael is out in public or there are unfamiliar people in our house, he can become very agitated. This manifests itself in many different odd behaviors such as obsessing about fans, making strange noises, running away, biting himself, turning lights on and off, and others. That’s when the looks come. I know what people are thinking, some variation of “Oh, poor Jen, she can’t watch Christopher’s baseball game because Michael is being disruptive” or “why is that boy stomping his feet so loudly in the store, I think there’s something wrong with him. His poor dad.” Because Michael gets agitated around other people, other people only see Michael when he’s agitated.
I get to see Michael though when nobody else is around. I get to see Michael when he’s waiting at the door for me when I get home from work. Everyday I know that he’ll be the first one to greet me. I get to see Michael when he tries to squeeze in a few more minutes of sleep by curling up next to me in the morning. I get to take Michael to school everyday and make him laugh, or go over his letters and numbers with him. I’m the one who is sitting on the couch when Michael comes over smiling and laughing and pushes my IPad away because he wants to play. I’m the one who sees the big smile on Michael’s face as he hands me my shoes because he wants to take a walk together. I’m the one who can’t say “no” to Michael when he’s waiting at the door because he knows I’m leaving the house and he wants to come with me wherever I’m going.I’m the one who he hugs and kisses each night as I tuck him in. Nobody makes me laugh as much as Michael and nobody warms my heart even half as much.
I wish that everybody could see the boy that I get to see every day.