If my math is correct, today marks day 44 since the day our schools shut down here in South Florida. Forty four days of distance learning (for the boys and for me), and dad working from home, and Zoom, and wearing masks in stores, cutting our own hair, and the biggie……..trying to make Michael understand.
Michael, like most kids with autism, thrives on routine; any interruption to that routine can cause stress and anxiety. For Michael, that can mean any number of reactions – from hand-biting, to screaming, to biting Mike or me or Chris, to banging the wall so hard a picture falls down, or worse, creating a hole. (These tirades are EXTRA fun when you are trying to teach 12-year-olds via Zoom how to calculate the area of a trapezoid!) Now, mind you, those are things that happen when there’s just a SMALL change in his regular, non-quarantined routine. Things have changed just a smidge since then. I think every person that I have spoken two in the last 7 weeks has asked how Michael is doing. And every day, I may have a different answer. Those first few weeks were not fun. Daily replays of the phrases “School?” “Daddy, Mommy work?” “Christopher, school?” “Christopher, work?” “Go out to dinner?” “Grandma and Papa’s house?” Lots of my students hearing very strange, high-pitched, banging sounds coming through over their Zoom classes followed by “I’ll be right back, boys and girls” (hit mute button). Easter Sunday was rough. Michael equates most holidays with seeing his grandparents and that just couldn’t happen this year which was heartbreaking. It’s taken up until just these past couple of days for him to have grasp some semblance of understanding, and now when we have to tell him “no”, he says “when sick is over” or sometimes “maybe tomorrow” (tomorrow never arrives). I posted something on Facebook sometime back that said something to the effect of everyone in the world now knowing what it’s like to have autism since no one knows what’s ahead. Well, imagine ACTUALLY having autism during a time like this.
The other major change that is upon us is that Michael will turn 18 years old on Thursday. That age……many parents celebrate it. For us, it’s a little different. While parents of 18 year olds are anxious about their children leaving home for the first time, we are talking to lawyers about guardianship. Graduating seniors are excited to take the next big step to their future. We are thinking about Michael receiving Social Security. Soon these graduates will shop for all the fun stuff to decorate their dorms. Michael still depends on Mike to help him take a shower and brush his teeth at night. Eighteen isn’t exactly the same kind of milestone for Michael as for other kids.
I see the upcoming graduates feeling sad about missing proms, senior trips, graduation parties, etc. In some ways, I wish we had that kind of disappointment here. But Michael wasn’t going to be part of those activities anyway, which, as a parent, honestly hurts. Christopher will have all of that in two years, I know, but it doesn’t take away the sadness knowing that Michael won’t. All the seniors are being spotlighted on their respective school’s websites – even our city has set up an “Adopt a Senior” Facebook page. Each senior is nominated by a family member – they describe their high school activities, their future plans, etc, and total strangers just “adopt” them and send them care packages and surprises. Exciting for so many – not so much here.
I didn’t intend this blog to be a pity party. Mike and I talk ALL the time about how fortunate we have been throughout this pandemic. We both have our jobs, plenty of food on the table, a roof over our head, and can still pay Christopher’s school tuition. The weather has been amazing and we are in the pool (at Michael’s insistence) every single day. Honestly, Michael is happiest when he’s in the water, so who are we to say no?
Christopher continues to work at Publix and maintain his excellent grades (he’s also maintaining PHENOMENAL scores on whatever games he’s playing on his Xbox until 2 AM). We were concerned about his exposure to so many people, but so far, he’s been healthy and so have we. We are really proud of him for seeing it through. It’s given him a sense of responsibility and work ethic.
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading my blog. I haven’t added to it in over three years.
I hope everyone is healthy and happy. And remember (as I remind myself every day): This, too, shall pass!